Hi everyone!
Now I’m 18, I’m so happy and I don’t really know why finally I can watch any movie I can afford, no more missing Academy Award Movies just because they’re rated R, which only 18 years old people can watch, last year I didn’t watch Training Day in which Denzel Washington got his Oscar just because of that, I hate the censorship here, they rate Matrix Reloaded PG-12 (on Brazilian rating category) but grade other movies that have some more deep subjects like the Cult movies that I love. It’s just plain awful but it’s not a problem for me anymore. =D
Some of my relatives and neighbors came to eat some birthday cake yesterday here at home. It was OK, it’s a shame that none of my close friends are never present on my birthdays... it has always been like that... as if it was enough not having sleeping over on anyone’s house because my mother doesn’t like it.
It was my birthday but I didn’t feel as special as I used to as a little kid, you know? I only noticed it was my birthday because I didn’t have to clap and sing happy birthday for myself. I got from my parents two trees called Happiness, one male and the other female, I’m not exactly sure what are their names in Portuguese so I only translated the names into English. If you ask me it’s the least they can do for killing my little garden while I was out... =D
Today I got the worst of colds, it’s just been exhausting, I sneeze every minute at least twice and it’s so bad that my muscle contract when I do it, in a way it’s good because it’s like a workout. HAHAHA. I just took some medicine.
Now if there’s anything talking U.S. down on TV (as usual) my parents yelled me out to watch it, it’s just hilarious, and if I say it’s quite not like that they get SO mad, they think that TV is like the wisest of minds (most of the time). I hate TV. I like the movies and the shows but I can’t stand news and opinion-makers-documentaries. It’s just never right. It’s amazing the power media has, isn’t it? Rio is going to host the Pan-American Games next year and is trying to host the Olympiads on 2000-something, so the government gets money nobody knows where from and some problems that always have been there, they are spreading the police reach and all, it’s getting quite safer... Politicians... hate’em or kill’em =D
Nothing else to say.
Thanks for the greeting e-mails.
Love y’all
By the way I wrote this yesterday and today is Harry Potter's birthday, isn't it cool? =D
Monday, July 21, 2003
Oi Everyone!
Yesterday, on the July 20th, that a whole month elapsed since I said goodbye to everything I discovered on the last 10 months. I’m quite nostalgic but I must confess I’m pretty used to it by now, how wouldn’t I by the way?
I didn’t write anything yesterday because I wasn’t at home, my father, siblings and I all went to this tiny city in the middle of NOwhere (really!), the only thing in the city is this park with a church and that was all. My family had once spent the carnival there, when I was just a little brat (and I don’t mean yesterday), we stayed in this friend of my father’s house which can be described in one word: unfinished. His family doesn’t live there, they only go sporadically and it’s a habit of his family to never finish the house, the one they live in is quite the same, my father said the only house he ever finished he gave to his son or something like that, but anyway I didn’t stay with my mother at home even though I knew it was going to be really boring because I wanted to find out what happened with the memories with that place in my mind. I’m quite delighted to tell you that they are kept vividly in me for I could still find where the house was when my father didn’t when we got there. It’s quite amazing how these things works, you know? I found out that most of things that come to me as a picture in my mind are memories from a distant time. Anyway we only spent on night there, here’s another reason I chose to go, I just did not sleep not because I wanted to but because the bed and pillows were my allergies nightmare, I just couldn’t lay on that thing without needing, immediately, wash my nose, it was awful, so, since I brought the Sherlock Holmes book with me I finished reading it and started wondering about my present situation and all.
Now that I finished reading that book I must confess it surpassed everything I thought a Doyle’s book would be, I considered it overrated within all the prejudice I feel about popular books and all but it just surprised me how real the whole thing is, I love narrators in firs person, I feel they bring this credulity sense to the reader. So I’ll started reading the most know Southern novel of all time, Gone With The Wind, but I am also reading, simultaneously the book I got from Mr. Bruce the day the church was celebrating the graduating students, The Case For Faith by Lee Strobel, it’s quite an interesting book since I often read religious book with another one, so I’ve been reading this one since Sherlock.
Last Saturday I cooked for the first time a whole decent meal with no help from my parents. I feel so proud of myself! Everybody ate it and said that it was edible so I take it as a compliment since my family is the ultimate culinary critics, whenever they go to a restaurant they make the most awful comments about the service, the food and all that jazz. Last week I cooked soy meat “biscuits” and they were just like my mother’s, I just love them not, soy is the one of the few things that are healthy and I eat because I like the taste of it and not only for the nutritional value. Anyway, with time I’ll get better at it. I hope. =D
Also last week I ended up not going to the movie or the animation festival because nobody had money to give me. It’s sad but it’s O.K. I think will straighten up this week.
For you that don’t know about it or simply forgot it on July, 29th I celebrate my 18th birthday. Yes! I am SO happy. Here in Brazil when you are 18, you can do everything, even get married or drink, not that I am going to do it but I’m just mentioning it to let you know why it’s such a expect age. I don’t know what are going to be the plans for it on the day but I’m sure we’re going to be at home and have some cake with our relatives and neighbors.
I haven’t taken any decision about what I’m going to do for the following semesters or where I’m going to but I know the time is still running so I’m not that worried about it but my parents are quite desperate for a immediate answer, and I totally understand them but I’ll still take my time. Am I wrong? I just don’t want to rush such a thing now and regret it for some time. I spent most of my time thinking about it.
By the way, I forgot to say, but I only slept on that house on the following day on the hammock outside after we had lunch and it was way better than sleeping on that awful bed. I just LOVE hammocks, we need to buy another one to for us... my brother rip the other one off by playing on it. =P
Don’t have anything else to say. So I guess it’s time to go. I’ll try to answer and send e-mails during this week, I promise. I know that are people I haven’t heard of yet so I’ll send them e-mails.
Miss y’all
Take care.
Leo
Wednesday, July 16, 2003
Oi!
“It’s getting cold in here / So put on more clothes / I am getting so cold / I sleep with blankies on”
That should be our new hit, it’s getting quite chili her, not for me but for most people, sometimes I get chili, this week we got low 50’s, and it was a nice temperature to sleep with some covers on, or at least without the fen. I’m sick and tired of 100’s on winter, it cannot be called winter like that. But anyway, this weekend or the next we’ll probably go to one of my cousin’s house, since she leaves near the beach, in another city, it’s going to be quite cool! I heard it’s a pretty good one, but the thing about beaches in Rio is that since here it’s a place for public body exposure (not that we intend to, it’s just part of our culture I guess) I should lose some weight (since men here wear trunks and all). The other day I heard on some show that we, Cariocas (people that are raised or born in Rio), have a ritual before taking our clothes off, and I honestly believe that’s true, on the beach you can say who’s a Carioca or not by the way they undress, mostly the Gringo ones. Just thought that could be something of a cultural curiosity. =D
As you may know, by now, I got accepted by St. John’s, and it’s just a delight for me to know it, but for my parents it’s not. So, for this last week (almost), I’ve been trying to make up my mind about what I am going to do and I got to the conclusion that it may be time for me to fulfill one of my parents dream and forget about mine. I realized that I never followed anything they had planned for me, none of their expectations and I feel quite a disappointment for them due to it and I figured that it may be one of the last chances that I may do something for them, instead of myself, so I might as well to stop thinking about what I want and dreamed of to do something THEY had planned for me and go to a Brazilian university, I’ll won’t mind if they go or keep going on their actual riots, I won’t mind if it delays my career’s ambition for my parents gave me something I will never be able to thank them for, they chose me to live and keep up with my lifetime expenses. I know it may sound quite radical but I don’t think I can live with emotional blackmail from them. It’s quite sad for me to know that I’m not going to become an engineer to carry on all my father fought for nor with not giving my mother another reason for keeping me as her trophy. I think that the fact that Brazil is in a terrible economic crisis and my family is with it and that my siblings told me my parents see me as their favorite made me think of what I am doing to them and my parents said so to them, as if it was needed. I am the baby of this house, everyone takes care of me, everyone always speak of how intelligent I am, of how many things I’ve achieved and so on. I must confess I am truly tired of it all, but that’s not much of choice for me. Maybe things will change, maybe they will realize how much it hurts and things will end up as I please but if it doesn’t I guess I’m still young to repair an error.
Anyway... last Saturday I went to see this wonderful movie that won the Oscar for best Animated Movie, Spirited Away, it’s a perfectly drawn film, and has such a message and meaning that I can see how it got its many international awards. Tomorrow I’m going to watch Charlie’s Angels with some of my dearest old and new friends. It’s going to be AWESOME. But also on this last Saturday my friends went out and danced all night long and I couldn’t go because my parents would just die if I did. It’s been more than an year since I last danced, and there was a time when I saw myself as a dance group leader. Yeah! That’s something on my well hidden past. It was quite an experience since I had to choose who got to stay in the group, I don’t need to say how AWFUL it was, I guess that’s why it never went forward, but I just loved to have to choreograph those people, and dance for two or three hours daily. =D Aren’t I silly?
Now I am learning to cook, it’s GREAT, I still have lots of things to learn but I’ll be OK, I already know how to cook my favorite dish and I think that I’ll look for some recipes on the web and try to cook them. Maybe one day I’ll learn how to cook the cakes my mom can. She bakes cakes as nobody in the neighborhood. There’s this one cake that the whole building just loves, it’s to die for. I like that one but I just love the carrot one, it brings so many childhood memories, I guess I’ll ask her to bake that one, soon. Maybe I’ll never go hungry if I need to live by myself and don’t have money to eat out.
I am sorry for bothering y’all constantly with all my problems and worries. Hopefully, one day I’ll have no trouble I don’t need help with or that doesn’t worry me anything to think about sharing with y’all.
[ ]s (hugs)
Leo Souza
P.S.: Now we have in Rio: Outback, Domino’s and KFC. It’s OK my American friend said Domino’s pizza is not the same but I’ll have a try...
Thank you David for sending me that e-mail with that St. John’s letter of acceptance, I know it must have takes some of your time. Thank you. Hopefully it will not be in total vain.
Saturday, July 12, 2003
Oi! (I wrote this yesterday but I could not get to the web until today, so….)
Now it’s official ... I’m going CRAZY, or that’s what my parents think I am ... you know.... I have dreams too big for them, and none of which are like they planed ... you know, firstborn have their lives mostly drawn in a map by the parents, or that’s just my family? Must be. Today when my mom was taking the corn rows off she was saying that my father was looking for a psychologist for me, didn’t I tell you? My life here is so ordinary I know what my parents are going to do next most of times. I’m not going to say I’m sad about it because I think it’s going to be cool to see what my parents are going to do when they see that it’s not working at all, and anyway, what can I do? They pay for me they have the power over me as well, that’s what they think, so I have to bow and go with the them? Yeah, my life is really crazy. The only thing that upsets me about it is that my sister and my mom are not in speaking terms for more than six months, my brother is a spoiled, rebel brat, my father spends most of his time out of this house because he can’t stand it that much and I’m the one who needs a psycho, that’s odd but what can I do about?
Yesterday, the 9th I went to see my father defend his thesis for his master’s degree and at night we went to my cousin’s birthday party, it’s always nice to go to my family’s birthday party, I see at least six uncles and aunts at the same day and there’s always someone a new family friend or some of the really old ones, on this one our American friend was there... we didn’t speak in English but it was nice to talk to him about American food and such, now he’s Brazilian since he married a friend to get the green card but anyway today he left to go to a niece’s wedding in NYC after not going there for two years. It’s quite amazing he doesn’t like it there at all, the first time he got here he decided he would stay, just like that, I guess he’s more patriotic than I am, really.
Last Saturday I went to this really gorgeous theater downtown with a couple of friend to see Swam Lake, it’s so cool! I never thought ballet could be so entertaining, I mean I never thought I would go to see a three hour performance, it was amazingly good, the orchestra was really great, I was in awe when before the show the violinist was rehearsing, I Love violin, one day I’ll learn how to play, hopefully.
As I just said I took the corn rows off and now my hair looks like mane, it’s quite cool, I went outside with it and everybody just stared at me, it was hilarious when a boy almost fell because he was staring at me...=D. Some neighbors say I look like I am disgusted with life and I let my hair the way it is...
Now... my parents are going wild about me studying abroad, they just can bear the thought of it not to mention my ambitions of living in another country, I guess that’s one of the main reasons for them to think I need professional help.
I finished reading the new Harry one, I woke up one day and decided to move on and just get it over with, I was reading five chapters a day to make it slow but then I couldn’t resist and just read it all, I adore it but I got so sad with the loss of my favorite character other than Harry. Sniff... sniff, but anyway I started reading The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes, it’s quite interesting, once I’m done with it I’m going to start reading Gone With The Wind, yes! Finally I’m going to read one of the most well known Southern novel.
This week, in Rio, started this exposition of animated movies coming from all the world, it’s really nifty. I guess I’m going next week with some of my dearest friends, it’s in a lot of nice places downtown and it’s also very cheap.
If you didn’t know here it’s winter, and while everybody is getting cold to their bones I’m wearing (mostly) the same things I did there, shirts, shorts or jeans, not that I don’t feel it’s chili but it’s just not enough to make me feel cold, at all. It’s ridiculously funny to hear the comments people make of me... =D
There’s something I am really irritated about here now, not to make a big pleonasm but violence here is awful! I mean, I’m a night percent, 85% sure of it, and it’s really dangerous to leave your house at night here, so now if I leave I worry myself and my parents to death. If only my mom let me sleep in some friend’s house, but no. But I knew it was not going to chance. Anyway, I’m just DYING to go hang gliding but my parents would just DIE. There is this really gorgeous place (also in my favorite Rio neighborhood) where you can jump out of this stone up in this amazing Mountain and then you land on the beach, it’s just a DREAM, maybe I’ll get to do it.
Take care.
P.S.: Thank you Mrs. Lemons and David for sending me e-mails. I still need to send e-mails back to Josh and send the first one to a lot of people but I'll get there. =D
Wednesday, July 09, 2003
WwOoOoWw !!!!!!!!!!!!
I am so happy and yet so frustrated but anyway, I just opened this e-mail saying that I was accepted at St. John's University, yes the only one I applied yet and the one I was looking forward too. Isn't it nice? I still got some scholarship... yeah! But it doesn't cover that much but it's a great help, tomorrow I must recieve a fax telling me about my accetance and my scholarship papers... well... I hope I have some great news then...
I'm sorry I hasn't posted anything old nor new. I don't have that much to say so I put it all together, and my father is not very found of me using the internet and so...
Miss you...